Recasting the point you want to make as a feeling statement (I felt undervalued when you forgot my birthday) will help your opponent not get defensive.

But if you sense that youre getting too heated, suggest tabling the conversation until youve had a chance to cool down.

But people-pleasing can be a dead end: Your opponent doesnt know what you truly want, and youre mad at yourself for saying one thing when you mean another.

Instead, use a set answerLet me check my calendar firstso you can respond after giving it some thought.

If you feel pressured to bow to someones opinion, an empathetic statement (I understand where youre coming from) can placate an opponent without compromising your stance.

During conflicts, your first impulse is to smooth things over (If youre upset that I canceled our lunch, why dont we get together tomorrow instead).

Your quick-fix knack is noble, but it can prompt you to act before you fully understand the situationor how you feel about it.

Rather than proposing a fix, ask the person, How can we come up with a solution thats good for both of us To show that youre listening, focus on your body language: Shoulders back and down conveys receptivity to others.

When you see your opportunity to speak up, recall the cheat sheet.

Conflict Animal Quiz